Boarding

I'm just so..frustrated, I guess is the word. I can't find a job that will work for me, give me the experience I want and actually be decent. It's so easy for me to feel shot down and hopeless, especially when I had such high hopes for something that just didn't work out like I thought it would. I really thought this time I had it and it would work for me because things do and I'm good at making it work, but of course this is the one time things don't work and leave me feeling like it's all a waste. I know it's not, and I've done well with keeping my hopes up. Maybe today they'll call..maybe tomorrow..I look at my phone expecting to see a missed call, and when I do it turns out to be nothing but a disapointment.

I went snowboarding on sunday, which was a total blast..until I bit the dust and everything just hit me at once. I fell a lot, and I've fallen before but not like this. It was one of those falls where you're not sure if you're going to get up, or if you're okay. It's pure shock and a rush of fear and pain. I just started crying. Not really because it hurt so much at that moment, but it was unexpected. I wasn't sure what happened, and I didn't slide I went from racing down the mountain to flat on my face in only an instant. I couldn't breathe for a moment, and I felt like my chest had been reduced to mush. I laid for a while and just took it all in. Then I felt bad about falling and how I shouldn't have so I beat myself up for that too. I kept going after that of course, even went up one more time after. I'm a firm believer in getting back on the horse when you fall off. Otherwise you'll just a)fear it forever or b) regret not trying it one more time just to prove you don't fear it. It was kind of like the time I almost crashed Reece's motorcycle. I cried simply because it happened and it shocked me. Nothing bad happened, I didn't crash and I wasn't hurt. But simply because it happened, and something worse COULD have happened made me cry. I don't know, the mind is a crazy thing.