A New Chapter

And so begins a new chapter in my life. It feels like so much time has passed in the last 2 years. A LOT has happened, and honestly not all of it is something I even want to talk about anymore. I'm sure a therapist would say "it's bad to repress things" but some things just hurt to much to think about sometimes. Maybe another day then hmm?

I'm engaged to the love of my life, and couldn't be more happy about that. Things are finally going the way I had wanted all along. Something clicked, and it all just fell into place. My family is expanding one baby at a time. I feel like I hardly know any of them anymore. It's hard to be so far away and know that you'll just have to start saving for that 2 week trip because any less is not enough time at all. I know some of it is my fault, I've ended up distancing myself from everyone really focusing all I can on making my life work right. To those I have pushed to the side I'm sorry. I love my family dearly and want nothing more to have all of them close to me because everyone holds a special place in my heart.

I had a real reason for actually writing this post, but I'm not sure I even feel like typing about it anymore. It feels so trivial in retrospect, and everyone has bigger things in life that cause pain. But in good news Reece got the job as a corrections officer and the washington state pen. So he's moving to walla walla, and I.. well I'm staying here. To those who know me I'm sure that says it all and nothing more need to be said. For those who don't well, it's hard to face. I know we'll make it through and in the end I'll probably be stronger for it, but that's not really what I see when I look at it right now. I miss being 8 life was so much easier.

Boarding

I'm just so..frustrated, I guess is the word. I can't find a job that will work for me, give me the experience I want and actually be decent. It's so easy for me to feel shot down and hopeless, especially when I had such high hopes for something that just didn't work out like I thought it would. I really thought this time I had it and it would work for me because things do and I'm good at making it work, but of course this is the one time things don't work and leave me feeling like it's all a waste. I know it's not, and I've done well with keeping my hopes up. Maybe today they'll call..maybe tomorrow..I look at my phone expecting to see a missed call, and when I do it turns out to be nothing but a disapointment.

I went snowboarding on sunday, which was a total blast..until I bit the dust and everything just hit me at once. I fell a lot, and I've fallen before but not like this. It was one of those falls where you're not sure if you're going to get up, or if you're okay. It's pure shock and a rush of fear and pain. I just started crying. Not really because it hurt so much at that moment, but it was unexpected. I wasn't sure what happened, and I didn't slide I went from racing down the mountain to flat on my face in only an instant. I couldn't breathe for a moment, and I felt like my chest had been reduced to mush. I laid for a while and just took it all in. Then I felt bad about falling and how I shouldn't have so I beat myself up for that too. I kept going after that of course, even went up one more time after. I'm a firm believer in getting back on the horse when you fall off. Otherwise you'll just a)fear it forever or b) regret not trying it one more time just to prove you don't fear it. It was kind of like the time I almost crashed Reece's motorcycle. I cried simply because it happened and it shocked me. Nothing bad happened, I didn't crash and I wasn't hurt. But simply because it happened, and something worse COULD have happened made me cry. I don't know, the mind is a crazy thing.

Jobs

So I went to a first interview with the company that's placing people in the internship..still haven't heard anything back but I can be hopeful. I'm not sure how fast they're pushing it so I'll give them a little time before I lose all hope on that. Had a phone interview for a technical assistant position at a company that does mostly workers comp insurance claim stuff. I'm not sure what all I'd do but I'll maybe be hearing from her in a few days if she wants me to come for a face to face. So we'll see. My options are open at this point and I'm just wanting to find something that'll get my foot in a good place. Can't help but feeling like it's all not going to work out but that's just me being nervous and impatient.

In other news a year ago yesterday Reece an I were dating (officially..we kind of just picked that day because it was the first dinner date we'd had. I'm sure we could have chosen closer to valentines or something). We didn't do much because it's an early morning day, but I didn't go to school so we spent the evening just hanging out together (our favorite past time). We were going to go to Family Fun Center for 12 dollar tuesday and ride the go carts all night, but it would have been too late for that. I know, it seems corny but it's the little things and that's why we work so well. There aren't expectations for anything big, we just like being together doing things we enjoy. We do enjoy fancy dinners together, but we're saving that for sunday. We're hoping to spend the day up at the mountain and then have dinner at Ring Side in the night hours. I'll have to get all dressed up, which will be fun!! I love being fancy, and i'll have to make him get dressed up too (which is sexy beyond all sexy..gotta love a man in a button up shirt and a tie!!). It's been a great year for us relationship wise. We've made it through some rough times, and learned a lot about each other and us and I couldn't feel any better about our future together.

So here's to a great year and a hopeful future

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The most AMAZING thing just fell in my lap!!! On the door of my classroom is this thing, and it said something about a medical billing internship..I read down and it would be an extensive introduction to what a job as a biller would be like. I'd get on the job training, as well as my school at night and get paid way more than I do now. I'd have the opportunity to get my foot in the door, have experience and it could possibly lead to a permanent job! And even if I didn't it would be the BEST thing for me because it would boost my resume by a TON and give me that extra oomph and a recomondation that you can't refuse! I know I'll win their hearts if they give me a chance. This could be it, FINALLY a sign that maybe things will work out okay. I mean really..this couldn't have happened at a better time for me. Just when I'd lost hope of anything good from this place, this happens. So hopefully something good will come of it. I'm getting all worked up over it when I shouldn't because if it doesn't happen I'll be more than disappointed, I'll be crushed, again. They don't require any experience so I'm fine there. They'd like bilingual but it's not required. It's a little ways out BUT IT'S WORTH IT!!! I'll sit in traffic and get up early every day I dont' care this could be the best thing that's happened as far as career goes. WISH ME LUCK!!

Jobs

So I was job searching online all day today. Boy is it tiring!! And so frustrating. I found some neat things but who knows if I'll even get a call. So much of what I'm looking for they already want experience. On our classroom door was a billing and coding aprentiship opprtunity and we'd get paid well and learn LOTS. But it's in lake oswego!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!How could I get from here to there and here again witha 9-5 job? It'd never work but it would be an awesomely AMAZING opportunity. I'm sorely tempted to see if I can make it work but I don't know..Not sure if it could be done. Anyway, keep your fingers crossed that I find something medically related that works out with my schedule for school!

Coffeeeee

Been nice not having school for a few days. Kind of lets the mind clear and you can live a little. On the work front they've given me new things to do!! I got to be trained how to make coffee drinks in the cafe so now I can help when they need it. It's fun and they like me there because I like to do things for them that they don't like to do, haha of course. I won't get to be down there much because I'm just back up, but on the days that I do it really makes it a good day.

Reece managed to rustle us up a new lappy! We've got the new 15 in macbook Pro with the glossy screen and it's very perdy. It'll be good to have something that actually works right and doesn't pause for 20min every time you ask it to do something.

Found out that school is going to be longer than originally thought, which sucks in a way but it'll give me more time to maybe find another job close to the field I want to at least have a foot in the door. I talked to meesha brian and chester about school and life and they gave me some good advice for getting through it all. It's great to have such amazing family who gets me through anything and always has something thoughtful and helpful to say. I miss everyone, it makes me sad sometimes knowing I'm missing a whole world down there and the lives of my family and nieces. Hopefully some day I can go back.

Sleeeeeeeep

Oi, tuesdays are so exausting for me. I have to get up at 5 to be at work by six. I'm on the merch team so I have to go and switch out displays and all that jazz. It's nice because I get to leave early but I'm definately there early. The other people who are there at 6 get to leave at two but I have to stay until three. I'm usually just kind of mulling about trying to avoid doing anything because I'm too tired to think. Then I get a ride home from Reece and we eat a little food before I head out for school at 5. I don't even know how I stay awake in class. Of course I'm no good when I get home because I'll usually end up watching an episode or two of whatever tv show we're on, bad I know. Tonight I'd just like to sleep, we've got things to do tomorrow. I'd really like a new computer. My mac doesn't have enough ram and it's old and blah..that and I'm just obsessed with the new macs so it's a good excuse.

I'm finding more and more that I'm not really sure where school will lead me. It sounds like these jobs are in demand but getting one without prior experience isn't easy and I have no background in anything medical. I feel like I need to work as a receptionist at an office or hospital just to have a foot in the door. I'm not sure though.

Well it's back to class, and hopefully I don't pass out!

Long Time

Boy oh boy has it really been 3 months? Time flies, especially when you're busy. So last time we had just found a place to live. We're still living there, it's in the ghetto (worse than mom and dad's!!) and the only people that live in our complex are black or mexican. We've had people come pounding on our door at all hours of the day and night mistaking us for our neighbors. We think they were selling drugs, but they got kicked out for being rowdy or something. Our neighbor on the other side gets drunk and comes knocking sometimes, and the people across the way like to smoke weed regularly and have drunken parties with kids. So beside all that it's not so bad. It's a huge place, two bedrooms and one and a half bath. I have so much closet space it's crazy, yet somehow I seem to use it all still.. I don't get a chance to clean much, which I hate because it gets dirty and I hate living in filth (hmm where did I get that from?). We gave up our babies (no no, just cats it's okay) to some really awesome people from my work because we thought we were going to be moving where we couldn't have them. Turns out we didn't have to move after all and we were sad for a while.. Then Reece found something furry and cute and very small and brought it home. And now we have devil spawn, or Tamber as I like to call her when she's being sweet. She cries when she can't see us, even if we just walked from the kitchen to the living room to sit on the couch, she enjoys scaling my leg like a mountain to sit on my hip and watch what I'm doing. Beware of your body parts because if it's there she'll claw it and she has needles in those paws. She's still working on the whole litter box thing (As Reece will tell you from cleaning poop off of various things and washing the blankets often).. All in all she's a pain in my rear, but she's cute sometimes. I leave it up to Reece to deal with her since he found her and brought her home and we didn't get rid of her. I do help when she needs things but I'm mad at her most of the time so I don't like to do anything for her. She enjoys showering with me..yes showering. She'll get all the way into the tub and lick my toes. Weird? Yes very, but she wouldn't be our cat if she wasn't totally messed up.

I'm going to school for Medical Billing and Coding at Apollo college. It's corny cuz it's in a mall, but it's only 11 months and 11 grand so hopefully it'll work out. I get to wear scrubs to school, which is fun, and learn all about medical stuff. Mostly we do insurance and coding types of things. So maybe one of these days I'll be making big bucks in a hospital. I'll let you know if I get that far.

Reece bought me a car so I could get to work and school and home without being raped and robbed. It's been amazingly wonderful so far, even though I just had to cough up 600 for new breaks. But honda's are worth it and they last a lifetime.

We're hoping to move once I graduate and get a job (october or november) to somewhere nicer. We're pondering Vancouver because there are lots of cheap apartments there that are in a nice area and are actually nice (they have pools and spas!) but we're not really sure and since it is so far down the road we're not too worried at the moment. I'm just focusing on trying to pass my class and make enough money at the same time. I work full time and go to school for 4 hours monday through thursday. We have tests almost every week on terminology and in class we plow through material on coding. It's kind of scary doing it all, and really tiring, but hopefully in the end it'll be worth it.

On our days off (which my boss has been kind to me and they actually coincide) we mostly just laze about on the couch doing homework and watching netflix (we've watched rescue me, greys anatomy, some house, lots of movies and are currently on season one of lost). I'm hoping that a few saturdays a month, at the least, we'll be able to watch Rae's kids while her and Tom go out on a date. I miss seeing babies and I'm sure they miss dating! It'll be good catch up time and a fun change of pace..

Mostly I just miss people. I don't see a whole lot of anyone, even Reece sometimes. I get only part days off because of school, and I work every other day. I won't be able to take any real vacations during school because I can't afford to miss a night. I'm sad that I don't get to see all my little nieces grow up, but hopefully sometime in the future I'll get down there or maybe even move one day!!

So I think that catches things up, and hopefully I can find a little snitch of time to keep things updated, maybe even some pictures!